To be fair, I used to journal when I was a child but my secrets were invaded and were used to abuse, so I promptly stopped writing because it wasn’t safe. I used to buy elegant journals from Indigo, or other places with the intent and desire to write my unbridled thoughts, feelings and experiences but I never really did because I allowed my past to get in the way of present and future success. I have a collection of bound blank pages resting beautifully on my bookshelf; virgin, pure, innocent and unsullied from my human experience. Except for one, the one my best lady friend gave me for Christmas years ago – it’s the only book I have taken the time to write in but it took until fairly recently to build up the courage to do so. My first entry was:
Things To Do:1. Change / take over the world2. Laundry3. Smell the roses
I’m an adult now and have been for some time, so I can’t project the blame towards who-shall-not-be-named for perpetuating my fear and laziness towards writing. The accountability and ownership of self-defeating tendencies falls in the owner’s lap (a.k.a. me). However, acknowledging where it began is necessary and a step in the right direction.
Simple Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy Process:
1. Identify source (from the beginning)2. Acknowledge (intellectually and emotionally)3. Adjust / change4. Move forward
Let’s face it, at times, being human is the hardest thing to endure. No one effortlessly moves through life unscathed, like a ballerina performing Swan Lake at the Bolshoi Theatre. One can try to evade lessons and experiences but life will be like Bryan from ‘Taken’. Life will employ its particular set of skills, skills that make it a nightmare. Life will look for you, it will find you and it will kill your false self slowly from the inside out, in hopes you will rise like the preverbal phoenix from the ash in order to honour your true, beautiful self.
My best man friend recently said to me –
“Everyone at some point when going for their goals has a moment where they want to quit. I have, a couple of times. That’s normal, but you are one of those people, who even when they feel like giving up, won’t. That’s why I love you. I find strength in your courage, determination and pride. You are an amazing woman. I am so lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for being you…”
I mention the above because:
“Together we stand, divided we fall”(Pink Floyd – Hey You)