This is my first attempt at blogging. I’m not entirely sure how this endeavour will turn out considering I have commitment issues with journaling, even though I am a writer and originally went to school for journalism (go figure). I don’t know about you, I’m definitely someone who should journal because it truly does help prevent one’s self from climbing and/or perching in one’s crazy tree but I seldom do – journal, that is. I tend to avoid it like STDs (or the plague).
There’s something very intimidating about writing on a blank page, especially for an overly self-critical perfectionist. Or maybe it’s because I talk to myself enough as it is, that writing down my thoughts is in itself redundant?
It never ceases to amaze how our beautiful mind can rationalize ANYthing to avoid the truth.
The truth is: I’m afraid of exposing my heart and soul. And I’m lazy.
To be fair, I used to journal when I was a child but my secrets were invaded and were used to abuse, so I promptly stopped writing because it wasn’t safe. I used to buy elegant journals from Indigo, or other places with the intent and desire to write my unbridled thoughts, feelings and experiences but I never really did because I allowed my past to get in the way of present and future success. I have a collection of bound blank pages resting beautifully on my bookshelf; virgin, pure, innocent and unsullied from my human experience. Except for one, the one my best lady friend gave me for Christmas years ago – it’s the only book I have taken the time to write in but it took until fairly recently to build up the courage to do so. My first entry was:
Things To Do:
1. Change / take over the world
3. Smell the roses
I’m an adult now and have been for some time, so I can’t project the blame towards who-shall-not-be-named for perpetuating my fear and laziness towards writing. The accountability and ownership of self-defeating tendencies falls in the owner’s lap (a.k.a. me). However, acknowledging where it began is necessary and a step in the right direction.
Simple Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy Process:
1. Identify source (from the beginning)
2. Acknowledge (intellectually and emotionally)
3. Adjust / change
4. Move forward
Let’s face it, at times, being human is the hardest thing to endure. No one effortlessly moves through life unscathed, like a ballerina performing Swan Lake at the Bolshoi Theatre. One can try to evade lessons and experiences but life will be like Bryan from ‘Taken’. Life will employ its particular set of skills, skills that make it a nightmare. Life will look for you, it will find you and it will kill your false self slowly from the inside out, in hopes you will rise like the preverbal phoenix from the ash in order to honour your true, beautiful self.
My best man friend recently said to me –
“Everyone at some point when going for their goals has a moment where they want to quit. I have, a couple of times. That’s normal, but you are one of those people, who even when they feel like giving up, won’t. That’s why I love you. I find strength in your courage, determination and pride. You are an amazing woman. I am so lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for being you…”
I mention the above because:
A.) This is an example of a good man
B.) When researching how to start a blog, one of the concepts listed – “think about how you want to help people.”
I strive to make a difference every single day of my existence, in every single way. That is the point of my blog. Through my random cynical-optimism, I hope these words make you at least giggle, and feel less isolated in this beautiful mess we call life.
“Together we stand, divided we fall”
(Pink Floyd – Hey You)
Love Always —
Ps. I can’t promise I won’t unintentionally offend you at least twice – consider yourself forewarned.